Chilling today Sundays are like that, running around like a nutter all week and knowing its going to be the same next week. But hey only this week in work and then off for 1 whole week .... yippeee .... but not so yippee I have to study!!!

My 'friend' shall we call him came out of hospital yesterday. You'll probably hear me alot talking about my 'friend' its the type of friend that know one knows you have and you shouldn't have .... the fact that he's married and is also my boss. Yes my boss .... yes it will all probably end in tears but its been going on since April, for him its being going on for years, when we first met all those many moons ago, but as usual I was oblivious to the fact that he liked me in that way.

Your now thinking no no no leave it where it is, I know I should at times but its now getting to the stage where I cant. We have a great time together, and we have so far managed to handle the work thing. You wouldnt know we were any different to be honest, we have always spent work time together and nothing has changed in that respect. But OMG if people found out then I dont think I could actually handle the consequences of what everyone around me would say. Friends would certainly become abit sparce im sure, but I maybe wrong I dont know, my reputation in work would also go down the pan, I just couldnt bare to think to be honest. It just wouldnt be good for either of us. We talk about this all the time, we say right ok lets leave it and see what happens but we always end up being back to where we are. Attraction is not always a good thing is it?

He cares about me, he tells me all the time that he loves me, but I am not in the same place as him which he does know. I care a great deal for him but im not ready to go to the place of 'in love' What is love anyway, I have had so many disappointments, which im sure I will tell you about, I should be in 'take a break' magazine with the stories that I can tell. They are a joke and I laugh now but at the time is I wasnt not laughing I was completely broken. Even now I still carry it around with me ..... was it me that did the wrong thing, when I know it wasnt me at all, I was just me, just being me but it just wasnt enough. But life moves on and now im in this situation that no one knows about.